Twitter Interview #23 @PhilScowcroft

 Our 23rd Twitter Interview is with @PhilScowcroft!

I actually poached him from @80sNostalgia's interviews,

so he's used but in excellent condition.

OH AND HE'S A DWARFER!!!!

Are you happy to participate in this interview or are you doing it against your will?

It’s against my will, but that’s just pure coincidence. I don’t know why I got it out anyway. It doesn’t even get read out until after I’ve died. I’ve put it away again.

State your name and purpose:

Hi comrades. My name is Phil, and my purpose? I’m an advertising producer and in charge of the music we play at 96.5 Bolton FM: a tiny radio station in the sunny Northwest of England.

What is the best soda?

Crystals. They’re great for unblocking sinks and general cleaning. Try it, you’ll never look back.

Aladdin is letting you borrow his magic carpet for the day. Where do you fly to? And would you rather take Jasmine or Abu with you?

I’d tell him thanks, but I’d decline to take either of them. Abu would probably just jump all over me and be generally annoying, whereas Jasmine would sit there in a sulk because I’m not taking her where she wants to go. If I’ve been loaned a flying carpet, I’d go where I want to go. Where would that be? Probably to a carpet shop and ask if I could speak to the Manager about it.

They've taken Mr Rimmer. Sir! They've taken Mr Rimmer! What do you do?

Quick! Let’s get out of here before they bring him back!!

If you could spend the day traveling through a real life version of a game, which game would you choose? (Video and/or Board game)

It wouldn’t be Monopoly. I’d soon get fed up with that because it goes on forever. I used to LOVE playing Chuckie Egg 2 on the ZX Spectrum, so I’d probably be Henhouse Harry. I’d just have to be careful that I grabbed on to the ropes and didn’t slide down to my death on a pod that blows bubbles.

The sun or the moon? Who has a better reputation?

The moon. People can just stare at it in wonder, and we’ve visited it, which you can’t do with the sun; you’d just go blind and burn up respectively. Plus, it’s one or the other with some people and the sun. They either love it and sit in it all day, or they moan about it being out again because it’s ‘Too Hot’ and do anything to get out of being in it generally.

If you had to be repeatedly kicked by a kitten, what would you like that kitten's name to be? And what colour fur would he have?

I’d just never be in that situation. Now THAT reminds me of the giant kitten in The Goodies from the 1970s. I wouldn’t want to be within ten miles of something that had grown to that size.

Complete the sentence:

My school was the worst for... years, until it got a newer, more strict head.

The postman should...stop regenerating. I’m sure he’s getting to the end of his allocated lives.

Crackers are useful for...nothing really. Never seen the point of them. *BANG* (if it happens), rubbish joke, end. Then someone has to tidy them up.

I used to like...everything I like now. The only thing I won’t do now, is tape the top 40. No point really, AND Woolworths has closed, so I can’t buy tapes any more.

Seagulls need to...try a supermarket’s own mini-cheddars. They’ll never know the difference.

Would you rather...

Spend a week as

A) A Teletubby of your choice

B) Barney the Dinosaur

C) Bear in the Big Blue House

None. I don’t like dressing up. Plus, that Tubby Custard machine needs looking at. It’s dangerous.

Be trapped inside

A) A spring roll

B) A sausage roll

C) A ravioli

If I ever came across a sausage roll that was bigger than me, I’d gladly step inside and close the door.

Lose your sense of

A) Smell

B) Timing

C) Fashion

Of all three, Fashion. If you lose your sense of smell, you can’t taste, so I’d never enjoy a curry again. I just couldn’t possible imagine losing my sense of timing either. I need that to function in my job. So, fashion it has to be, and judging by some fashions out there at the moment, who’d actually care?

Have to have a nice conversation with

A) A very insulting monkey

B) A know it all meerkat

C) A plant who won't let you get a word in edge wise

I’ve had conversations with A and B already, or people who look like them, so it’d have to be C. And the ONLY one I’d want to talk to is the Aspidistra from The Adventure Game.

Have

A) Antlers

B) Rabbit Ears

C) A lovely mane

All three. I’d call myself a Lioneerbit. The mane would annoy me though, especially in summer, so there’d have to be a caveat that I could shave it off.

Draw a picture of yourself doing your best dance move. Be as detailed as you wish.

Here’s me doing my best dance move. Unfortunately, I’m in the room to the left of this picture as it’s a wedding buffet room I’ve drawn, I’m at the wedding, but in the function room next door. There’s a good spread on. It’s drawn on the back of an eBay receipt.

Check out more from Phil, seeing as you're here:

Hear him on Bolton FM

And follow him on Twitter @PhilScowcroft